Running is a Privilege

Wow.

This blog post really affected me.

It is what I have always "known," but could not say it so effectively.

EXERCISE, in general, is a privilege.Being able to be thin or fit or lithe, because you can go to the gym, and because you can afford to buy and prepare healthful foods, is a privilege.

It is a sign of privilege.

Going to Target with your kids wearing your expensive running shoes, and clothes you bought just for running, is a sign of privilege.

And this really affects me, because I am frequently seeing - especially on the internet, especially in women's communities - a lot of judgment about being "fat." That losing weight is as simple as putting down the cheeseburger and moving your lazy ass. Because the only thing involved is willpower.

It's a form of classism and snobbish elitism that is hidden behind the more PC concern of "being healthy/unhealthy."

One of the things that really inspired me to try and start running again was reading a series of blog posts by a somewhat well known scrapbooker (you probably know who I'm talking about) who, this year, joined Weight Watchers, started running, got in shape, lost weight, and looks fantastic. She has been very honest about her struggles, and very specific about the tools and processes she has used to get to where she is. I think she has been fantastic and I have appreciated all she has shared.

But.

When I looked at all her running and weight loss posts all in a row, what struck me was how very, very expensive this simple hobby of running and this weight loss journey is in her world.

She has a treadmill that sits in a spare room of her house.

She has a spare room available just for exercising. She does not have family members crowding into her home because they are going through foreclosure, and taking up the extra space.

She did not agonize (as I did) over the cost of buying the right shoes. She bought the shoes she needed.

She bought workout clothes. Her tank tops alone were something like $68. Each.

She has a washer and dryer in her home so she can wash these clothes as often as needed. She owns the washer and dryer, and as the Mom also probably has first access to the machines, and doesn't have to wait until others are done.

She has an ipod.

And a special ipod holder for when she runs.

And earbuds. (Mine were stolen and I had to buy the special iPhone earbuds with a microphone to use when driving the car -- $80.00. So this is not insignificant.)

And digital music on her computer, for making custom playlists to motivate her.

She has a really, really expensive computer.

She pays for Weight Watchers online and doesn't go to meetings. She has a good scale.

She can afford (obviously) an internet connection in her home. She does not rely upon the public library for access.

Her children are old enough to not need her constant attention, or a sitter.

She lives in a nice enough neighborhood that simply stepping out her door and running in her neighborhood is an option.

And on and on and on.

Despite all of this, she still struggles. But the only thing she struggles with is HERSELF.

She doesn't struggle because she doesn't have the shoes. She doesn't struggle because her neighborhood is so bad she doesn't dare run down her sidewalk. She doesn't struggle because her children are so young and demanding she can't leave them for an hour a day. She doesn't struggle because she works on her feet at the drive through, or even in an office a 45 minute commute away, and has to find the time and energy to run and grocery shop and plan her eating around everything else.

I think about this a lot these days because I am in library school, because I am interested in the digital divide.

The digital divide is associated with, and leads to, a lack of economic opportunity and a sense of certain individuals or communities being “left behind” without the skills needed to succeed (Cleary et al. 2006).

Did you know that there are minority populations in this country that have higher rates of mortality specifically because they don't have access to computers and the internet, and even if they did, they don't know how to use them effectively?

According to a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services report, “life expectancy and overall health have improved in recent years for a large number of Americans, due to an increased focus on preventative medicine and dynamic new advances in medical technology. However, not all Americans are benefiting equally” (HHS 2004).

People in these populations who get cancer, or even chronic diseases like diabetes, have higher mortality rates because they do not know how to get on the internet and research their diseases and see what their treatment options are. They have treatment options they do not know about, because of the digital divide.

“The digital divide has been identified as a special problem in health care that can lead to significant disparities in care” (Kreps 2005).

“Many of the people who are most at risk of poor health outcomes from … serious health problems are members of underserved populations, populations that are generally made up of individuals who are of low socioeconomic status, possess low levels of health literacy, … are members of marginalized ethnic and minority groups …” (Kreps 2005).

Health literacy is becoming a civil rights issue in this country. It's not even about who has health insurance and who has money to pay for treatment. It's about basic access to information and resources.

“Many studies show that certain minority groups and low-income, low-education populations in the United States suffer from a disproportionate cancer burden and have limited access to electronic information about health” (Kreps 2005). Health information guides strategic behaviors including treatment options, decisions, and plans. Without access to health information, “these same vulnerable populations are also subject to serious disparities in health care and generally have much higher rates of morbidity and mortality due to serious health threats, especially from cancers, than the rest of the public” (Kreps 2005).

I just wrote a grant application for an IMLS National Leadership Grant in health literacy. And as I read that blog post, I thought about this woman I have used as an example (who I am not linking to, because she is a really nice person, and I don't need her thinking I am pointing some finger at her), who was able to go online, from home, and use the internet to research her options, to get support, to find out what she had to do, and to even shop for her shoes, clothes, digital music, and equipment.

One of the reasons I wrote my lost post about running was to explain in detail the process I have gone through, trying to run because I love it, and yet having these issues related to money and access.

When I started out, I lived in a deadly dull but very safe suburban housing development. Then I moved back to Chicago. I live in such a bad neighborhood I would not dare walk out the door and go running or even walk down the street. I drive to the suburbs to run. This means I can only run on days I have time to do that.

I struggled to try and run wearing my cheap $35.00 Reeboks, and failed. I tried and tried. It was not possible. I then had to make a hard decision as to whether I would invest a large (to me) sum of money to this healthful practice.

I made a series of cheap clothing purchases and mix those with old stuff I already owned.

I struggle with not being able to throw my few clothing items into the washer whenever I need to. I have had days when I could have gone running and I didn't because I had no time to do the laundry and hand washing was no longer enough.

I have an old model iPhone I bought because I am in library school and technologically, I was falling behind my younger classmates. The profession is extremely competitive and I didn't even know what a WorldCat app was. Because I was already a Mac user, I already had an iTunes account, so I can buy the occasional $1.00 song.

I bought a laptop in March, and without it, this would have been much harder. The laptop is an older Mac I bought for $450.00 off Craigslist. I was able to do this because I worked in graphics and publishing for 13 years. I knew what I needed and what would work and how much it should cost. Someone without that knowledge does not have the option of doing research and waiting for the right deal.

My original earbuds were stolen and they wouldn't stay in my ears anyway. I spent 3 months doing research online to see what other options there were and how much they were. I made purchases on ebay. I bought ear adapters to try and make them fit. It was only after 3 ebay purchases and I still didn't have earbuds that would stay in and a mike that worked that I went to a retail store and looked at new options. Even then I waited for a 50% off sale. Without the earbuds I would have a very very hard time, because the standard size earbuds would never stay in my ears while running or warming up. The frustration would be a huge barrier to trying to run.

I am just saying -- there is more to setting up an exercise program and getting in shape than just "get off the couch" and "stop eating fast food."

Yet we have this myth in our society that this is all there is to it. The only thing holding you back is YOU and how lazy, sad, pathetic and weak willed you are. That if you really wanted it, you would be "healthy" (meaning, smaller than you are right now). There is a sense of moral superiority underlying some of the commentary I've seen and heard. If you are a woman, you've heard it too.

Even though I am struggling right now due to being in school and trying to transition to a new career, the education I have and the knowledge I have puts me in the privilege category. Except I don't have the ability right now to engage in the privileged behavior of my peers.

I just get to look at it.

This is me. This is me at my mother's wedding this past weekend. This is me after three months of running. Not every day, but regularly. Running enough so that I was able to dance with my aunt and cousins and sisters and not have to stop midway through a song out of breath.

Do I look "thin" to you? Do I look "slim"? "Lithe"? "In shape"?

Do I look like a runner to you? Is this what a woman who runs looks like? Does this fit your mental image?

It doesn't fit mine.

-----------

Cleary, Paul, Glenn Pierce, and Eileen Trauth. "Closing the digital divide: understanding racial, ethnic, social class, gender and geographic disparities in Internet use among school age children in the United States." Universal Access in the Information Society 4.4 (2006): 354-373.

Department of Health and Human Services. “Eliminating Minority Health Disparities.” HHS Fact Sheet. July 12, 2004. Cited in Lorence et al., “Digital Divide,” 2006.

Kreps, Gary L. "Disseminating Relevant Health Information to Underserved Audiences: Implications of the Digital Divide Pilot Projects." Journal of the Medical Library Association 93.(2005): 68-73.

Lorence, Daniel P. and Heeyoung Park. "Measuring Dissimilarity in Online Health Search Activities." Technology & Health Care 14.2 (2006): 79-89.

Photo 1: Random lithe women running. Always on a beach -- talk about privilege. Source unknown.

Photo 2: Photo of me. Chicago, IL. 19 Nov 2010.

Almost Wedding Time!

So... my mother is getting married on Saturday. She and her fiance have been together, and engaged, for over 10 years.

She didn't want to plan any kind of wedding. She wanted to go to Vegas and get married in a chapel there. However, his children protested, so she has put together a party for this Saturday. She chose the date based on when my sister (who lives in Kansas) could come up, with her baby. She did not want to get married without all her children there.. and it would not have been the same if one of us was missing.

Since we are having the family event on Saturday I have no plans for Thanksgiving at all. I have finals due and I am so behind. I plan to hopefully come to campus and find a quiet place to dig in for this last big push.

I really love the outfit I bought for the wedding, and I am looking forward to some great photos of my entire family. The girls are all just wearing black or dark dresses. I went all out -- a LB cocktail dress. Ever woman needs a LBD and mine is verah verah FAHN-say.

I won't put a picture of it up here but here are the shoes I bought to match...


{peep toes!}

I would not wear the shoes pictured in my user icon for the wedding, even if I could... I would trip and fall on my face for sure! They were great for the photo shoot, but a walk down an aisle and an evening of dancing and running around to say hi to all my family calls for a little more stability. But these shoes are very similar, black with a peep toe. I really wanted some platforms but the poofy ribbon flower on these heels match the black ribbon roses at the neckline of my dress.

I don't know why I seem to be focused on shoes so much in this blog. Strange. First the running shoes and now these shoes. In looking at my photo archive, I seem to take a lot pictures of myself walking in various shoes.

It's not about the shoes, it's about my feet on the journey and where they will take me.

Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Running

So... I am still running. I KNOW. I am amazed.

When I read this post, I am amazed. Amazed because 1) I don't have shin splints any more, and 2) I am still running.

For a while it appeared that I would always have pain. That there was something wrong (?) with me. I have taken up running now and again several times over the past years. I always loved it and I could never do it for more than a week or two. And I don't know any runners in person I could ask about the pain, nor could I get any advice that applied to me and my situation, that would push me to make running a regular habit.

I have had more than one person ask me how in the world I got from where I was, doing nothing, to where I am now. Where I am only doing something. I feel the need for some transparency here -- I am not a workout queen. I have not lost any weight that I have noticed, but I don't weigh myself. I still do the Hobbit Shuffle, but I am trying to transition into a longer stride. I don't do this every day or even several times a week. I do it when I can, when I want to, when I feel like it. I still feel like it. The more I do it, the more I want to do it.

And when I say "running" it is a shorthand for an entire experience of stretching, exercising in place, walking, walking mixed with jogging, walking mixed with brief periods of actual running that I strive to make longer and longer, more walking, more stretching, and collapsing in my car with a giant water bottle.

There is a lot of information online, but I have learned that while information online might be helpful to some people, it does not work for me. So I had a lot of experimenting, and a lot of pain, both physical and mental, as I got to this point.

Here is where I am now. Here is what I am doing now. In the spring I may do none of this, or I may be doing more, and I may be amazed even more. This information may help you too. I was very motivated and inspired by several out of shape and overweight scrapbookers who made this change, and I found it super helpful to read the specifics of their own practice.

If you are a person for whom fitness and exercise comes naturally, you may not understand this... but telling people who don't exercise to just "exercise" or "move more" really does not help. I remember all the years when I did not cook, because I really could not do it. Everyone said, impatiently, that if I could read a recipe then I could cook. Oh well, guess what I know now, now that I am a cook -- cooking also requires things like knowing what kind of recipe you can make, making a trip to the grocery store, knowing how to choose an avocado, having basic equipment, knowing how to brown chicken or how to chop an onion. No, we are not BORN knowing any of this. We have to learn it.


Here are some things I have learned that work for me. This is a combination of basic information about very beginning running combined with my own habits that support my practice.

1. You need EQUIPMENT.

Everyone said this, and it was one of the things I didn't want to hear. And I have heard it from other people I talk to about it now. One of the appeals of running is that it's "cheap and easy." You put on a pair of shoes, you go outside, and we all know how to run, right? Just do that. Can't you just put on the shoes you might have? Just go?

For you, maybe, for me, NO. I really struggled with the idea of paying over $100 for a pair of running shoes. I had a pair of Reeboks, certainly not a cheapo brand. I bought them to go running. I used them several times, I loved running, and I had to stop because the pain would not lessen or go away.

Shoes

The shoes are something you cannot really skimp on. Last week I put on my old Reeboks just to walk around and the difference was immense, now that I am used to the new Asics. Even walking in the Reeboks felt like walking on concrete. The soles were very hard. Walking in the Asics feels like walking on a cloud. There is a lot of "bounce" there. It's a very springy feel. Additionally, feet swell when you run so running shoes should be big enough that you can fit the top of your thumb between your toes and the toe of the shoe. I bought the Reeboks to fit me exactly and now they feel way too tight.

I am lucky to live in a large metro area where I could make a trip to a running store. I had my feet and my walk assessed. I was professionally measured, both feet. I have high arches, which is unusual, and a wide toe box. Most running shoes, especially cheaper ones (under $80) are made for people who need a lot of arch support. Since I have high arches, that extra support was forcing my feet to curl outward, which makes shin splints worse. This is the kind of thing you find out from professionals.

I tried on several pairs and ran a bit in all of them, in the store. If you don't have that option, I am not sure how to overcome it. For someone else, buying online might work out ok. I needed to try them all on. I also ran a bit so they could assess my form and tell me if I was doing anything that was causing the pain. I was not.

Now here is the thing about the shoes that is relevant for me specifically.

I don't wear these shoes for anything but running. I don't wear them to the grocery store or to school or for hanging out. They are in the box, the box is on my dresser, where I can see it. The COST of the shoes is highly MOTIVATING for me. Honestly if I had NOT purchased these shoes I probably would have given up entirely. Instead, it weighs on me that I made this investment. I don't want to waste my money.

In my head I do a cost-per-use tally. So if I run in these shoes twice that is $xx for each run. whoooo, pricey! I figure once I have run 20 times then the cost-per-use is low enough that I have gotten my money's worth. That is motivating to me.

So the idea that I have this special piece of equipment that I take out purposefully and use for it's intended use, is very motivating for me. I find then, that I put on the shoes, that means I am going out for a run. I might do something else too, after (run an errand on the way home), but in my head I am thinking "Gotta run, gotta run." I don't put them on unless I have time to run, and unless I am also wearing running clothes. I think twice I have ended up not running, for different reasons. But mainly, putting them on puts me in that mind set. That is important to me.

1.B. Other Equipment

There's other stuff you may or may not buy as well. Running, like any other hobby or endeavor, has a whole lotta "stuff" that can come along with it.

* Sport bra - I didn't own one so I bought one for $12 at WalMart. I also only wear this when I put on the shoes. I could buy another, but again, having the ONE thing that is special and set aside is somehow motivating. I hand wash this when I take it off.

* Workout pants - I already owned 2 pairs and I have since gotten 2 more for free. I wear these all the time so I didn't buy more. I wear them whenever.

* Running tops -- I bought one Danskin tank at WalMart for a WHOLE DOLLAR, and I wore that when it was warm. I love this tank. But I only wear it for running. If it got chilly I put another T-shirt on over it. I only put this on for running.

Now that it is much colder I bought a long sleeved Danskin tee at WalMart for a whole $8. I can layer this over the tank. I can run in any T-shirt but I like the material and cut of both these Danskin tops. Again I hand wash them when I come home.

* Running socks -- I bought one pair of these at the running store, for $9. Expensive but worth it. They are super thin and made of a material that wicks sweat away. Unlike cotton socks they do not get hot, they do not rub and cause blisters. I only wear these with the shoes and only to go running. I hand wash them.

If I do laundry I do throw all these things in there and give them a good wash, but I hand wash when I come home because I go running far more often than I do laundry. YMMV.

* Dorky fanny pack -- There are all kinds of cool things you can buy to hold whatever your music source is (more on music next) but I spent $6.99 on a small fanny pack at WalMart, found in Sporting goods. I LOVE this freaking thing. I wish they were in style, or cuter. It holds my car keys, lip balm, phone, etc.

* Windbreaker -- This is a very new addition because it's recently been too cold to go running just in a couple T-shirts. I probably should also keep it just for running but I just like it too much (wearing it now). It's a very lightweight zipper windbreaker I just bought at Old Navy, in the men's department. I had looked around for a women's jacket but they were all too small, too tight, too heavy, too expensive. Old Navy outerwear is 50% off right now, so this was a huge $15.

Other equipment I use -- my iPhone, my iTunes, Skull Candy earbuds, sunglasses, water bottle.

2. I use my PHONE.

I use my phone in two ways -- for music and for timing.

Music

I think a lot of people listen to music when they run. Some people prefer the silence, but I use music. Everyone has a different way of using music, so I'll share mine.

I own an iPod and I rarely if ever use it. I did use it at the gym but... it bugged me. Some people really enjoy the process of hooking it up to the computer, making playlists, switching things around. I really hate it. What a pain.

I bought an iPhone last summer and it is a huge part of my running. Because I don't like messing with my iPod, iPhone, and Mac, there is different music on everything. If you listen to your iPod music in the car or in the house, this will not work for you.

Me, however, I find myself downloading songs onto my phone when I hear them and love them. These are not always "new" songs. Sometimes they are new -- like Hot Tottie by Jay-Z and Usher. Sometimes they are old songs I have not heard in forever -- like Fight the Power by Public Enemy. Sometimes they come on the radio as I am driving around looking for a park to run in. Sometimes I hear them featured on a TV show -- Glee, Vampire Diaries, So You Think You Can Dance -- then I look them up on iTunes and buy them.

So basically my phone has all the most recent songs I have wanted to own and listen to, and since I hate hooking up my phone to my computer, I rarely get to hear said songs any other time. As I am driving around to go to a park to run, I think about music. I usually stop and buy a song, a single song that is in my head. It is usually a fast song. Then when I am ready to run, I listen to that song. Yes just the one. To buy it, I must really like it. I want to listen to it over and over. I don't get bored because I really enjoy the song.

I'm going to talk some about stretching and warming up later, but for now I'll say during the warm up time I don't listen to the new song(s). That is the time I listen to the slower songs on my phone that I love and never hear.

None of this is hard and fast. I've just noticed that if there is a new, fast song on the radio or a song I loved back in the day that I can download and have to listen to, I really like that and I enjoy the running time. Sometimes I listen to the last 2-3 songs I bought, sometimes just the most recent, sometimes I don't buy a new song at all. The fact that I can't or don't really get to listen to these songs any other time contributes to my enjoyment.

Time

My iPhone also has a stopwatch and timer feature. I use this quite a lot. Some people like to create playlists with songs of a certain time but that does not work for me. So I will set the timer on the phone for a length of time. I will walk or run for that length of time. There's probably an easier way to do this but I just find being able to hold up the phone and see that I have 10 seconds of a sprint left helps me keep going. I also keep track mentally of how many times I have done a 2 minute, 1 minute, etc cycle.

What really helped me with the shin splints was shortening my running time to 30 seconds. I hated to do it, but it worked great. I could run or jog for 30 seconds, no problem. I would set my timer for 2 minutes, walk for 1:30, and when it got to 30 left, I would start to run. this helped me build up to longer times without pain.

So the phone is a big help to me. I know there are also running apps and I may look into them in the future. There is also a Nike+ gadget that I'd like to get, so I could use my phone and computer to track my progress. But I don't need it yet.

---------

There are lots of other things involved here as well and I will get to them eventually, but I think this is long enough for now.

I'll finish by saying more explicitly something I've mentioned in passing more than once. For me, the process of suiting up is very important. It sets aside the time from the rest of my life. Kind of like when I wanted to scrapbook, i didn't just sit down and jump in. I always spent some time browsing ideas, tidying up my desk, looking through supplies. I had to get myself in that mental space.

The mental space is super important to me. When actors are trying to get into a character, they put on the wardrobe, they change their walk, they get hair and make up done. It helps make the transition.

For me, I have special things I wear only when running (shoes, socks, bra, tank, fanny pack). These are mixed with some items from my daily life (workout pants, phone, headband, sunglasses). At home I go through a process of getting dressed. This tells me mentally that I am going to be running sometime that day. I used to then just walk outside and go do it, but I've moved to a bad neighborhood so now I have to drive somewhere to run.

Thus I have a 2-3 stage process --

First getting dressed at home.

Then getting in the car and driving while thinking of where I will go (I like going to different pretty areas, and I also liked just walking out my front door and going around the block 10 times).

I "suit up" even more at the moment when I get out of the car. I switch jackets or take off my extra T-shirt or whatnot. I get out the phone and my earbuds. I hook myself all up. I put on the waist pack and put my keys and other items into it. I lock up the car. I put on a headband, my sunglasses, and my ear buds.

For some reason having both sunglasses and earbuds on is really important to me because it creates a feeling of being alone in my own bubble, though I am outside in public. I tune out any internal voices that might discourage me from running, have me worry about what I look like, who else is around, and any judgement I might project.

I'll talk more about the actual running process at some future time, and also what I did about the shin splints. But maybe some random internet person will find these thoughts helpful.