Volleyball Hurts

I love volleyball.

I have been playing for years. I remember learning to play in gym class in 7th grade. I remember playing on my church's youth team in high school. I remember signing up for a college class in volleyball and having everyone else drop, so it was just me and the coach. I remember playing on work leagues and with friends at the park. I remember the one year my departmental team finally won the company tournament at our annual picnic.

This is not to say I am particularly fantastic at volleyball. I have gotten better over the years. I am more enthusiastic than athletic.

I was happy to see signs up on campus for open volleyball in the sports forum every Sunday night until spring.

Now, I have never really been able to play volleyball without hurting myself. Every year I would tell myself that next year I was going to start working on my arm and shoulder muscles a couple months in advance. Or my legs. Or my endurance. Or my speed. The next year I would forget. Then January (indoor leagues) or April (sand leagues) would come and I would be fired up to play, I would show up, and I would be in pain within a few minutes.

I usually hurt my forearms or wrists from bumping the ball. Or my legs. Or my back. Or my knees. or I dive (sand courts only) and knock my breath out.

Now this time, I started running in September, so I am not in quite as bad shape as I usually am by January. I really thought that I would be able to play without hurting myself. Not to be.

I did warm up. I actually got dressed to go running today, but when I walked outside I thought, "Eh." Usually I go running anyway, but today I felt pretty good, and I had already done a 15 minute stretch workout at home too. So I went to school and sat down in the library to get some things done until volleyball time.

I arrived at the gym before they'd even set up the net. Only a few people were there and we started warming up by hitting the ball around.

You know what happens? Someone hits too hard, someone else has to take off after the ball. Do that about 15 times.

Then we started to play a game, but there were only 4 of us at the beginning, and 2 were very enthusiastic guys. That meant, more than volley-ing, we were running to go fetch the ball back.

However. My serve was good. It was not short at all, and that is generally my problem. I have good form, but not enough power in my shoulders, and I end up hitting the net. Or I hit the ball wrong and it splices.

Tonight, every single serve went over the net perfectly. Even when I had to serve numerous times in a row. I was really happy about that. I did not return every serve, especially the power serves (ack!), but I tried, and sometimes I succeeded. And I was really up to the level of where I'd normally be after several weeks of play, within about 30 minutes.

So that is how I judge myself. Can I return a serve? Can I set the ball? Can I hit it over the net when the ball is set to me? Is my serve good?

I did so well that I completely overdid it. I was sweating, I was running, I was bending and jumping and stretching. Within 40 minutes I was in so much back pain I could not even stand. I tried to keep playing, but I could not.

I hobbled to the side and did some stretches, then sat and cheered the players on. Slowly other people trickled in and the game picked up.

It would have been GREAT if I could have played the whole night without pain. I guess I am not in that great shape yet. But I still did better than if I had been sitting on the couch or at the computer nonstop since summer.

And my serve! Right over the net perfectly!

I keep thinking about how, every time I run, my arms and shoulders ache. I don;t know why, since I am not doing anything with them as far as I know. And wondering if somehow my arm and shoulder muscles are engaged when I run?

I dismissed this thought but tonight...My serve. Seriously. Right over the net, perfectly, every single time. That NEVER happens, and especially not the first time I play in a season. I think it has been at least 2 years since I last played.

The one area that was still the same is my difficulties with depth perception. I still have a problem, sometimes, judging where the ball will be and getting myself under it. I still sometimes miss even when I think I am in the right spot.

But in every other way, I was far ahead, tonight, of where I usually would be in January.

And the other thing I noticed is that my athletic clothes did not feel odd to me. Odd as in, so rarely worn I feel self conscious in them. Nope. I wear these togs all the time now.

Nike+iPod = Success

So my dear friend Joyce made me a very generous gift for my graduation from grad school -- the Nike+iPod sport kit!!! Today I finally got to try it out.

It. Was. So. Good.

As we know, my purpose in writing is not only to track and document for myself, but also to encourage others who are trying to start an exercise program -- by being specific about what I do, no matter how little, and the positive benefits, no matter how subtle. My last post was very vague, all about how I estimated this and guessed that.

No more guessing!

The Nike+iPod sport kit comes with 2 little items, as you can see in the photo -- a white receiver (for the iPod) and an orange sensor (for your shoe). It's made to be used with Nike shoes and Apple iPods or iPhones. Nike shoes have a little compartment where you slip the orange sensor into the shoe itself and it "senses" your stride, speed, distance.

If you have an iPod or an iPhone, you use that while you run, with the Nike app running, and it tracks your runs, encourages you, gives you a power song to keep going.... basically everything except show up and kick your ass for you.

If you have a newer iPhone or iPod you don't even need the receiver at all, because the gadget is set up to receive data from the sensor already, and transmit it to an account you can set up on Nike.com.

The Nike+iPod kit is $29.99 new on Amazon. At that price, there is no shipping fee. I have also seen brand new kits for as little as $15 on ebay. Of course, then you have to pay shipping. It is a pretty small package. It could fit in a padded envelope.

Now, I do not have Nike shoes, I have Asics. So based on online reading, I also got a Shoe Pouch from Grantwood Technology, in dark pink. There are other pouches out there, but I have this aversion to buying things online unless I know, absolutely, that they will work for me. The product descriptions from the company are not always good enough for me (as I will say more about below).

I just have to say, I love Grantwood Technology. My Shoe Pouch arrived first, in a small padded envelope. In the shoe pouch package was a yellow notecard envelope that said "OPEN ME" on it. Very inviting. So I did. Inside that was a lovely thank you note to me for purchasing their products and expressing how much they appreciated my business. Also urging me to please contact them should I have any problems, and allow them to help me so I did not have any "hassles" with their product.

I mention this note because I DID contact them. I had a problem understanding how to attach the Shoe Pouch to my shoe. I saw that it was somehow laced on, and there were instructions with the pouch, but the instructions did not seem to "go" with the product. Since I had their thank you note handy, I called them up. The nice girl who answered the phone for the company knew the product and understood where I was confused.

From the pictures and instructions, it appears that the pouch is attached by running your shoe laces through these straps sewn to the pouch back. However, my pouch had those straps completely sewn down. The nice girl told me the sewing should have created 4 loops, one at each end of each strap. The laces go through these loops. In the product picture, I can see these 4 little "tabs" sticking out from behind the pouch -- these are loops.

Once she had explained, I was able to see immediately how to attach the pouch. Without their convenient phone number and written invitation handy, I probably would have tried to figure it out myself by wasting time searching online for the answer. The call took about 2 minutes.

Therefore I heartily recommend Grantwood Technology to anyone who owns Apple products -- not just people who also exercise. They've got some great items, so check them out!

Once I got my pouch attached to my shoe correctly, I only had to wait for my sport kit to arrive. When it did, I was so excited!

I just need to stop there for a minute. This thing is for RUNNING and I was SO EXCITED to get it.

Consider it. Blows my mind. Hello -- is this me? Is this my life?

According to the instructions, the sensor could be activated by simply starting the Nike app on your iPhone. So I looked for this app. I don't have an iPhone 4, but I thought I had a 3GS. Unlike with Grantwood Technology, there was no convenient phone number handy for me to call and ask "What am I doing wrong?" I went online, looking for help. No luck.

It turns out I have an iPhone 3G, which I probably knew way back in my brain somewhere. But it was disappointing that the first instruction didn't work for me. And there was no alternate instruction included. I tried plugging the white receiver into my iPhone, and of course it is not compatible.

Apple, I love you, but you tick me off, because I think ALL your products should be interoperable. I think all earbuds should work with all phones, all software should work with all products, and all equipment should work together. I should not have to have one cord to connect my phone to my laptop, and another cord to connect my iPod. And I know this is done ON PURPOSE, in order to compel people to have to keep buying more stuff. I know it is planned obsolescence, and it makes me want to punch you in the neck, Apple.

Now the product information did say that the kit was compatible with ALL iPods, or I would have been ticked in the extreme. Yes the product info says, "compatible with iPhone 3GS and above." However, what is the music app called on my iPhone? It is labeled "iPod." And I cannot recall off the top of my head if my phone has an S on the product name or not.

This is the kind of crap that makes me crazy inside. Mainly because I know that *I* can figure it out, eventually, and many other people can figure it out. But it creates this elitist, snobbish sort of barrier to access, and dissuades people from trying. Just try going into a Starbucks if all you want is a plain cup of coffee, and everyone around you is ordering a Venti Grande half caf no whip with mochalatta shot. WOT??? It's deliberately intimidating. And then the people who can figure it out are supposed to have some sort of smug feeling of superiority: "I'm a MAC user." And I am aware of the digital divide, and stuff like this just plays into that. Please. I have a degree in anthropology and my area of interest is status and class issues. Just read Veblen's Theory of the Leisure Class to see that I am not making things up. This is all on purpose. I find it irritating.

Anyhoo....

I do have an actual iPod. Not a new one. A first generation Nano. This thing is so old it didn't even come in colors! I am pleased to say that the receiver did plug in just fine and the software showed up. Good for you, Apple.

Well, this was the journey. It was not "hard" exactly. But I did have to have some motivation to proceed. As I've discussed before, and many of us know, there are all kinds of barriers to exercise if you are not born athletic by nature. If you are not motivated, just finding a pair of shorts to wear and driving to a gym is enough of a barrier to think, "I'll do it sommmmmeeeedaaaayyyy..."

And my point has been, when it comes to exercise, what makes a person do it today? And the next day? And the next?

So here I was today, with my pouch laced to my shoes, the sensor tucked inside, and I happen to have an iPod, and now a receiver attached to it. Loaded up with music. Privilege much?

I even just did laundry so all my workout gear was fresh and clean. Ready and waiting. The only barrier I had was... the WEATHER. aaaaahhhh!

It's been cold and snowy. People can and do run in the cold, and I have. But snowy means sidewalks are not shoveled. Parks with trails don't have the snow cleared. And I fell on some ice 3 years ago and broke my wrist. I also hurt my ankle so badly I could not walk for several days, and I limped badly for several months. I am leary of running in the snow.

Today was not too cold - about 30 degrees. That is practically balmy at this stage of winter. So I hoped to give my new gadet / tool / toy / something a whirl.

I suited up and spent a lot of time at home stretching, warming up, doing exercises. I've been reading the book Chi Running, and it gave some additional stretches and techniques to include.

This time I looked at the clock before I started. I put on a slower song to start. I did a lot of the extra stretches as well as all the ones I have been doing all along. I noted that I can bend farther now and I am a bit more flexible. However, the extra exercises really got my heart pumping and my breath going. I checked the clock when I was done, and rather than the 5-7 minutes I had estimated, I saw I had spent 14 minutes on this warm up.

I think that is pretty good. But I would like to caution anyone reading that I had to work up to that. Arm circles, for instance -- I started with 4 only. Now I do 8. Some exercises I did maybe 2 when I began, Now I do 8 of them. Doing 2 of an exercise is just fine. Just do 2 next time as well. In my opinion, it's better to do less than you could, and have some success, than push yourself so far the first time you don't want to do anything more.

Then I got my stuff together and took a long drive to look for a new park to run in. I had to run some errands in this neighborhood anyway. Every park I went to had not had the snow cleared. I had pretty much decided to give up until spring thaw when I had an idea. I knew of a quiet neighborhood with a cul-de-sac nearby. So I drove over there, parked, set myself up, and set off.

I had played a bit with the the sport kit already. I had set up the voice mode (female or male), the power song ("Boom! Shake the Room!" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. I so don't care at all about my music being "cool" LOL, and I love old school hip hop), and I knew I had to "calibrate" to both my walk and my run to the sport kit.

So to calibrate -- you set it all up as I've described, and then you start walking or running. I first calibrated to my walk because I wanted to warm up a bit again. The calibration requires a distance of 0.25 km.

I just want to specify something I have alluded to before. Up until today I have had no idea at all what distance or speed I have been going. I just knew about how much time I spent, and the level of intensity as per my own perceived effort level. I did not go so fast I could not sing along with my music if I chose (my life is a cage but on stage I'm FREE...).

Walking that distance was no problem at all. Calibration done.

Then I tried running it. Ugggghhhh. What happened? I ran until the time when I would slow to a walk. I checked the darn thing and it said the dreaded words:

Calibration failed.

Drat.

So I kept walking, then I set it up again, and I told myself I was going to run far enough to at least calibrate it. No matter how hard it was.

0.25 km. That is like 400 meters. Not very far. I just kept going.

Calibration successful! Yay!

Now the issue.... I still had not done a "workout" for the thing to track! I had spent 14 minutes stretching and warming up, then walking to calibrate, and 2 very short running periods. uuuuuuhhhhnnnn....

I still don't like to push myself too hard, too fast. I do not want to end up in pain. I also don't want to be so slow I might as well not bother.

I looked to see the shortest distance I could set it at. Which was one half of a mile.

Now from one perspective, that is a pathetically small amount of distance. I could walk it no problem. And most "runners" generally go at least 2-3 miles per run, or 6-10 if in training for a race. I've been doing this activity for 4 months and I still did not think I could run, without slowing to a walk, for an entire half mile.

Whatever. I do this for me, not so some little machine can tell me if I am doing a good job.

I had been walking while I fiddled with the thing, so I set it to the half mile workout and started.

My shins were a bit tight already. I did some of the techniques from Chi Running. I worked on my lean, my posture, my spine, my stride. I listened to my music. I breathed. I smiled. I looked at the sky. I laughed.

Before I had time to blink twice, a feamle voice said: "Congratulations! You have finished your workout!"

huh wha....??? I barely started! I'm not even out of breath!

I slowed to a walk and looked around. How did this happen? How did I get here?

A half mile? Me? Really?

Was I slow. Oh hell yes. According to the thing my speed is 12.38 miles per hour.

You know what is even slower than that? Sitting on my ass on the couch watching TV, eating chips, and playing World of Warcraft on the computer. That is more than slow, it is non-existant movement.

I remember back in September when I could not run for 60 seconds consecutively without agonizing shin pain. And here I was, weighing the same, body looks the same (I'm pretty sure it does), clothes the same....

But today I could run a half mile without stopping or even being out of breath.

I was so darn excited that I set it for another half mile and kept going. This time I did walk a bit and then run some.

Ok can I repeat that, for all you couch slugs out there who think exercise is a four letter word?

I finished my workout and then I reset the thing so I could keep going.

I was running around a small loop. As I came out of the loop, I could see my car, and I headed that way. As I got close to it, I could see on the iPod that I was close to finishing the mile. If I stopped at my car I would be a bit short, but if I kept going I would hit a mile not too far past.

I kept going. I was walking at this point, because I wanted to cool down a bit, but I kept going until the nice lady on my iPod said, "Congratulations!"

Ok that is another really important thing to note for the exercise-avoidant out there.

I would have stopped, but my little thing-y here told me if I just went a wee bit longer I would be at a mile, a nice round amount of distance. So I kept going. I went a bit longer than I might have -- because I knew how close I was.

That was worth all the hassle right there. I won't say it's worth the price, because mine was a gift, but I kind of think it is worth it.

As it turns out, I didn't work it right this first time. I needed to "end workout" and then start another one, instead of just "keep going." If I had a newer iPod with a spiffy color screen and all the graphics, this might have been more obvious to me at the time. So My New Lady Friend only really recorded the first half mile.

That is fine and dandy with me. It is better than what I had before. Which was... NOTHING.

So this is a nice long blather about the details of my life. Let's recap, shall we?

6 months ago my exercise consisted of running out the door to my class about 10 minutes late, as usual, hyperventilating, and possibly, walking over campus dragging a computer bag with me.

5 months ago I tried running and could not even run slowly for 60 seconds consecutively.

3 months ago I finally had a day where I had to slow to a walk due to being out of breath, not the pain of crippling shin splints.

Last month I went running IN THE SNOW. On a gray, chilly day with nothing outside to recommend the day. Except I wanted to be outside, and I wanted some exercise.

This month I tried doing the shortest workout ever and it was too short for me... so I did it again.

IN THE SNOW.

Today I signed up for an account at nikeplus.com to track my runs.

According to My New Lady Friend, I went for 15 minutes (this does not include the 14 minute warm up, the walking to calibrate the device, the 2 short runs to calibrate, and the walk to cool down, and the cool down stretches I did). I burned a whopping 92 calories.

I don't care! It was great and I can't wait to do it again.

Just wait until spring. I'll be outside enjoying the sunshine. Who knows how far or how fast I'll be able to go.

Pain

So today I went running again. It was a gray, gloomy, chilly day, in the 20s. There is snow on the ground, but it is old enough that most places have the sidewalk cleared.

Since part of my reason for writing about running is to possibly encourage people who want to start an exercise program, but perhaps think, "I can't do it" or "It sounds too hard / elaborate / complicated / beyond my abilities," I will share these truths and realities with you, Internetz:

- When I got out of my car and looked at my phone, it said 4:29. When I got back to my car and collapsed in my seat, my phone said 4:40. That's right, a whole 11 minutes outside. It is not a lot of time, here.

- I did not run the whole 11 minutes. I walked at the beginning, I walked at the end, and I walked here and there in the middle too.

- Since it was cold today, I did do a nice long stretch and warm up at home. I did not time it, but I did do every exercise, even the ones I don't like. I puffed and groaned my way through it while listened to "Sweat Jam, Vol. 3" from like 1992 or something.

- The music I listened to while warming up was too fast. I didn't want to listen to slower music because I was trying to WAKE UP. But I caught myself bouncing with the beat. You should NOT bounce when stretching. Ever. I also caught myself doing the exercises to the beat, which was too fast.

- I don't know how long my warm up was. But I know it got my heart pumping and I started to break a sweat. It also worked out a lot of kinks and aches I had from sitting around too much this week, which is why I did it. Based on the number of songs I listened to, it was about 7 minutes, which is typical.

- If I was to think about my time today as a "workout" I would include the time I spent warming up in that. Still, the whole thing together was maybe 20 minutes maximum. With a 10 minute drive to a park in the middle of it. This is not a lot. I am not workout maven reaching heights to which mere mortals cannot ascribe. That's a fancy way of saying, I am not doing anything a typical person could not do.

- When I got out of my car and started walking, I was cold. I started running maybe too soon and kept going maybe too long before slowing to a walk, because I was cold. When I got back to my car I was warm and I was sweating, and I needed water, but I wasn't dying or anything.

- I drove to a small park I have tried before. It had a small loop. I went around the park loop twice. I spent more of the time running than walking, this time.

- The path at this park is a concrete sidewalk, and it was frozen. So I ran on frozen concrete. I do not have shin splints and I did not have pain in my shins. (HOORAY)

- I did stop after 2 loops because my back was hurting, particularly my lower back. Now, I absolutely do warm up and stretch exercises for my back. I think I just don't have enough core strength right now. So now, instead of paying attention to the pain or lack of in my shins, I am going to pay attention to my back. Maybe add in some more exercises or stretches, try and push myself a little, and mark how well I can take it. I'll pay attention to this as a mark of my progress. Perhaps by spring my back will not ache any more. I think that is a reasonable goal to have.

Right now, I am in pain. Not crippling pain, but pain. My whole back hurts, my shoulders, my upper arms. Not the stabbing ache of my lower back in the spinal area, which is what I get while I am trying to run. No, it is a muscle ache.

This is strange to me because... well I don't use my back muscles when I run. Do I? Not like I use my leg muscles. But that's what aches. From the back of my neck all the way down my back, and my upper arms. It feels like I did a weight workout in those areas and overdid it some.

What I really wish is that I could stretch when I cool down. Before the snow hit, I did that. I wold finish my time and then sit on the grass or a bench, and do different stretches for my legs and my back. But now it is cold and there is snow, so my cool down is just walking the last part and that's it.

I think today I pushed myself. I know, it was eleven minutes -- big workout! But I ran longer than I walked, and a bit faster than I have been. I did not do the Hobbit Shuffle. My stride was longer. I had more speed.

Now my body aches and I would like to stretch those muscles but I am not in a place where I can do that.

This post contains a lot of estimates and guessing. It's not really precise. I don't know how far I go or how fast. I don't have any specifics on this. I used to use the timer but now I find it a pain to switch from the iPod on my phone to the timer while I am running. I am sick of doing that. So I just listen to music and go.

I am starting to feel like it would be helpful and motivating to have some more specific data on my distance or speed or time. Nike has a sport kit that combines with an iPod or iPhone and the Nike website to track this information. It is not that expensive. Of course, I am thinking, I really don't want to spend more money on running. I just want to DO it. And would I really want to hook the darn thing up to my computer? I barely sync my phone as it is.

I have been looking on ebay to see if anyone is selling the kit. I have seen some for less than $15, plus shipping costs. I am thinking about it. Truth be told, I want to buy it but I am telling myself not to. The point of running is that it's not supposed to cost what a gym membership costs. It's supposed to be cheaper. So I don't know.

I recently graduated from graduate school and I got a nice cash gift from my mother. Most of it will go to bills and living expenses. But I am debating spending part of it on this Nike kit. But I don't want to spend money on a piece of technology that I might not use.

On the other hand, I did not want to buy these shoes either, and it was the fact that I spent money on them that has really pushed me to keep going. To get my money's worth out of them. At this point I really feel that I have done so.

Why Do I Run?

I mentioned before that one of the things that I did before I started running was read the running/weight loss posts on the blog of rather well-known scrapbooker. She was very specific about what she did, in what order, how long, what she bought, what she eats. That step-by-step information really inspired me and got me thinking about trying to take up running again, even though I had tried and failed many times before.

Now it is January and, on this same blog, of course the conversation is all about how to start working out, losing weight, and be healthier in 2011. The constant question posed is about motivation.

How do you stay motivated?

I can't tell anyone how to lose weight, get in shape, be thinner, train for a marathon. Not now. But I can talk about how I started running, how I have continued it, and why I keep doing it, right now, at this moment. I can talk about my own motivation.

Here's what happened to me today. I knew I had a morning appointment out in the suburbs today, so I had planned to go for a run afterwards. I knew the office was next to a park, I knew I would be getting up early, and I knew that after my appointment, I'd have the rest of the morning free. And I really don't spend a lot of time running -- 30 to 40 minutes at the most. So I got up today, suited myself up, and went to my car to drive over.

Well. The weather was pretty bad today. Not bad enough to keep me indoors all day, but it was definitely not inspiring. Not only was it cold, but the sky was gray, a wind was blowing, and freezing little ice chips were floating around.

So as I drove to my appointment, I decided that today was not the day to run. And I was disappointed about that.

I went to my appointment, came out 20 minutes later, went to my car, got my stuff, started walking, and then jogged in the park. I didn't go very long, because I had problems with my music. I would have gone longer if I could - I felt like I was just getting started when I came back to my car.

The point of this little story is about motivation. Why would I be motivated to go running (or jogging) in the snow on a cold, gray day?

Everyone is different. Some people are motivated by having a big something to shoot for. Sometimes that is true for me too. But more often I am motivated by small things along the way, and the big picture is intimidating.

So, say I was 100 lbs. overweight, and I spent most of my days sitting on a couch, in a car, or at the computer. Then I decided that I wanted to lose that 100 lbs. and I was going to finally Get! In! Shape! That would require a 180 degree turnaround in my entire lifestyle.

For some people, that really works. It's a cut off point. There is a before and an after. I think that would last for less than a day before I just gave up on the whole thing.

I am not motivated like that, especially not when it comes to diet and exercise. It feels too much like a punishment. I am not going to "punish" myself for being out of shape or overweight. I am not going to "work" to pay off all the chocolate I've eaten and all the TV I've watched.

What motivates me is feeling like this is a treat I get to give myself. How do I think of it as a treat? I have already posted about some of the ways I keep the clothes and the music and the rest of it set aside as something special.

But it is more than just a mind game. The media doesn't always portray this accurately but... exercise feels good. It feels good physically.... but just as important, it feels good emotionally.

Last night I watched some show on MTV (what was I thinking) called "I Used to Be Fat." The program spent a lot of time showing some poor girl at 250 lbs who got a boot-camp style trainer who yelled at her and forced her to push herself exercising the first day to the point where she became physically sick. Eventually she did lose 90 lbs but as the show pointed out, to lose 90 lbs. in 90 days she had to do these intense workouts every single day, all summer, and go on a strict diet. Is she going to be able to keep that up for the rest of her life???

The rewards, as portrayed by this program, were:

1) she set a goal and she met it by working hard, which gave her confidence
2) she was able to wear a sexy costume for Halloween
3) she was able to shop for clothes in a regular boutique, and she looked much better

NONE of that is motivating OR inspiring. In fact, it is discouraging in a very insidious way that I don't think most people are aware of.

So here's the real truth, as it exists for me, right now.

Despite the shin splints I have suffered, running feels good. In fact, most forms of exercise feel good to me. They do, actually, feel good while I am doing them. Exercise does not feel good, to me, when or if I am making myself sick, crying and vomiting in the bathroom. It doesn't feel good physically, it doesn't feel good emotionally.

Not all exercise is equally enjoyable -- I don't particularly like weight training, and I don't like working out on machines inside. But as I've said many times before, when I go running, afterwards, I feel amazing. The longer and harder I run, the more amazing I feel. I have to break a sweat and be breathing hard in order to get the benefit, so just taking a walk doesn't work for me.

Now really, if getting on a treadmill made you feel like you had The Big O, wouldn't you do it as often as you could? It's maybe not quite at that level for me, but yes, it feels really, really good.

I've also mentioned that what I do my stretching warm up, it hurts, but it hurts in a way that feels good.

One of the things I do is really try and feel my body, before and after. When I get up to stretch, I try and feel how I am tight, how I ache, and where. If you are physically able to do so, you could try doing a little neck roll right now. Drop your chin to your chest and feel the stretch at the back of the neck and top of your shoulders. Feel the tightness. Then roll your head around in a slow circle, and feel every tendon, every muscle, every bone.

Do it a few times (if you are physically able), then stop, then try and feel how that part of your body feels. For me, it feels a whole lot better afterwards. I liken it to how I feel after a long, hot shower when I am dirty and sweaty, or after a good sleep when I am really tired.

Since I didn't warm up my usual way today, and I didn't stretch after, I can feel it now. My legs are aching, my hips ache a bit. I feel a little antsy sitting here in the chair. I would like to get up and stretch to work that out. I'm aware of it because I try and feel it, and not numb out.

I guess this is just a really long winded way of saying that I can't and don't focus on how I am going to look or feel weeks or months from now. I concentrate on how I feel right now, in the moment, at the moment. That is one form of motivation.

Exercise is just not portrayed that way in the mainstream, as far as I am concerned, and for people who are not inherently athletic, all you see is the negative, non-motivating aspects of exercise. It is hard, it is boring, it is sweaty, it is painful. It is work. It is a punishment of some kind for being "lazy" and "eating [fill in "bad" food]." You have been bad and exercise is some kind of Purgatory where you work off your sins. Then, if you are out of shape, you get up and try something and you get shin splints, which is pain, you can't breathe, your body aches, and you are all sweaty and gross.

Geez, I don't want to do that. Does that sound appealing???

Now, what I have learned, is that to get the feel-good benefit, I do have to push myself a bit. I just have to push myself to the point beyond my brain thinking, "This is boring, can I stop yet?" So taking a walk around the block, or 10 blocks, just makes my back ache and does not help me out. I have to break a sweat and I have to feel my heart pound a bit.

Consider, if you are really overweight, you could get to that point in less than 5 minutes. Five minutes.

Now, when that is shown on television, it looks terrible! People are sweaty, red faced, panting, they look like they are straining, about to bust a gasket. But in reality, for me, it feels GREAT. Now when I run, I actually burst into laughter many times, because it just feels so joyous.

So I've talked a little about the immediate, physical benefits of my form of exercise. But that is not enough to really motivate me alone. Another aspect which is mentioned in passing but not emphasized enough is the emotional benefits.

On the program I mentioned above, the trainer did verbally say that exercise was a great way of relieving stress and releasing frustration. But the program spent a good 10 minutes showing the poor girl crying and whining, red faced and heaving, looking unhappy, and almost passed out on the floor by the toilet. Someone can say this or that. I can write this or that. But if I could show it, well that would be far more helpful and motivating.

The emotional benefits I get from going for a run -- even a short, slow jog like I had today -- are both immediate and long term.

Ok, now I am going to get a little woo-woo on you. I believe that the world is made up of energy. I am no physicist, but at the atomic level, matter is made up of energy units, so I guess I am not far off. Much like water, energy has to remain flowing. It can become trapped and stagnate. And that, to me, feels just awful.

To experience this for yourself, check in with how you feel right now. Then go de-clutter something, whether it's a drawer, a counter, or your purse. Then see how you feel. Personally, I feel better. All that stagnant energy gets swept up and moved along.

So, for me, excess energy -- from the food I eat, but also from the people and occurances/events/emotions around me -- pools and sits in my body. It sits in a physical form (we see it as fat) but it also sits in a non-physical form.

When I run, I use up the top "level" of energy that is sitting stagnant, pooling corners. It gets swept up and used, and then the energy sitting in unused corners gets used, and then I generate more energy to keep going, and the energy in my body flows. The old, stale energy I've been holding on to is gone and replaced with fresh, new energy. I guess it is similar to decluttering, throwing out things you don't need any more, clearing space.

The body is really an amazing piece of machinery. Energy is not really used up or destroyed, it just changes form.

The only thing people really talk about is how exercise uses up the physical energy, burns off the "fat." But it also uses up and cycles out the old, stagnant energy and freshens it all up. Like opening up the windows in the spring after a long winter and airing out the room.

That is also connected to why running also feels very good to me physically. When I am feeling "bad," I use stretching and running to alleviate those feelings. I won't define what bad means for anyone else -- it is different for every person. It could be something big like anxiety or depression, or something smaller like feeling crabby, out of sorts, overwhelmed, in a blue funk.

Either way, when I run...

1) My brain shuts off beyond thinking about making it to the next step or the next minute or the next stretch of track. Blessed relief.

2) The old energy in my body gets cycled out and I feel fresh and new. I am usually taking deep breaths at the time so I liken it to deep breathing to clear out the lungs.

3) When I stop running, I feel physically great.

3) Any feelings of bad I was having are magically wiped away and replaced.

Oh, what replaces them? Well that is the coolest, most awesome-est part.

Feelings of

...accomplishment.
...appreciation.
...enjoyment.
...being alive.
...amazement.


That last one is really important.

When I run, I am amazed by my own body.

When it comes to my own body I experience a serious LACK of "amazement" on a regular basis. This is an extremely negative way to live - just ignoring what there is to amaze me is living in lack. You don't have to be saying or thinking negative things to be in a negative state. One of the reasons I am thankful I had a bad fall and broke my wrist and had to be in a cast and go through physical therapy is that now, my wrist amazes me. Most of the time it doesn't, but once in a while I expect my wrist to do something that I remember I could not do for six months or a year. And it does it. And I stop and stare and look at my own wrist carrying a bottle of laundry detergent or something, and I think, "Wow. Look at that. AMAZING."

I need to do that with the rest of my body, and sadly, I don't. Not enough. When it comes to my body I am like one of those ingrate teenagers you want to slap because it's not enough that you feed her and clothe her and care for her and do her laundry and cook her meals and drive her to school, oh no, if you don't give her an iPhone you are mean, you are a BAD MOM.

Speaking of the iPhone, I remember when it came out. Do you? Do you have one? Remember when you started using apps and you were all like, Wow, this thing is AMAZING! When's the last time you looked at your own ankles and thought the same thing?

So this is how it is for me. I become amazed. I experience my body as the amazing piece of the world that it is. Sometimes I am amazed by my brain. Sometimes I am amazed by my emotions. Sometimes I am amazed spiritually. But amazed by my physical body - very very rare. I ignore the things it does do, and berate it for the things it doesn't do.

As women, I don't think we are trained to be amazed at our own bodies. I think we are far too often trained to not be all full of ourselves. I think many of us know what it's like to look at another woman and think, "Well SHE thinks she's all that, doesn't she???" I do it, and I still do it no matter how much I fight it intellectually.

When I run, I feel amazed. During and after. The fact that I had so much struggle with shin splints, with pain, at the beginning, just contributes to my own amazement. Now, when I run without pain, I am amazed.

Today, I did not get my usual warm up (it was cold); I just started jogging a bit after I had walked. I could feel a few twinges, but not the stabbing pains of September. I was amazed. I ran and I felt no pain. There has been some improvement in my shin muscles. there has been some strengthening.

When I look at my phone timer and see that I can now run twice as long as I used to, I am amazed.

And that lasts pretty much... the whole day.

Today, I didn't go home yet, so I am still walking around in my workout clothes and shies. These are not the most flattering clothes I could wear. But when I go to the ladies room and catch a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror, I am not critical. I don't automatically think, "Ugh, I look fat / terrible / schlumpy / old / tired."

Instead, I feel good. I feel good about myself, I feel good about my day. Instead of looking at myself in a negative way, I look at myself and I am amazed.

And I am amazed by the world and everything in it. I run because when I do it, I feel better about myself. I feel better about my body. I don't feel overweight and middle aged and tired and jaded. I feel alive, and I am amazed by my legs, my lungs, my hips, my arms, my eyes. I run in beautiful areas and I look at the world and I see the beauty of the trees, the sky, the grass, the water. I have plenty of time to see the world around me, because I am still not very fast.

I write posts about running so I can reflect and remember. I am not sure than anyone else even wants to read it all, but I know I go back and I read it, and then I compare what was with what is, and I see the difference.

I hope, if the time comes when circumstances conspire to end my running habit, I might stumble across this epic that I wrote here. And that I might re-read it. And that I might be inspired to get up and get going.

So.... you know what is motivating?

Not being PUNISHED.

Being AMAZED.

More Running, Now with No Shin Splints

{this is now my cell phone picture}


So I guess a while back I said I was going to post more about my actual warm up and running itself. Recently my sister asked me on Facebook how I overcame my shin splints and in replying to her, I remembered I had meant to write it all out.

Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor or a health professional of any kind. What works for others does not work for me and actually created my pain. So what works for me might not work for you, or might cause physical problems for you that I could not forsee. Always consult your own health professionals and make your own decisions based on your own situation and your own body.

Shin splints were a huge problem for me. They have been a problem for years. It has not mattered whether I was in shape or not, whether I had been exercising or not, or what I weighed. Shin splints, as far as I know, refers to pain in a specific muscle attached to a specific bone. To me, it felt like knives stabbing me in my legs. I could not even walk or stand, if I overdid it. And "overdid it" meant running for more than 60 seconds. More than once, I got myself stranded too far from home and unable to even walk back, wondering what I could do to get home. This is one reason why I have to be picky about where I go running. It has to be a loop, a small/short one -- around the block, around a small lake or pond, around a small park, around a track.

Yesterday I went running in 25 degree weather and I did not have any shin splints at all. Oh I had other issues, but not shin splints. So I feel very successful. Here's the combination of things that has worked for me. These things were important not just for shin splints, but to keep me running when other times, I just gave up on the whole process.

How I Overcame My Shin Splints

1. The Right Shoes (and socks). I've already posted about this in detail. Since then I've found more socks at a lower price, at WalMart of course.

2) Change Pavement/Surface. You know where I see people running all the time? Down the sidewalk. You know what the worst surface is to run on? I don't, but concrete is right up there. And how would anyone know this, seeing all these healthy young people running fleetfoot down the sidewalk?!?

When I started running this time around, I was living in a suburban housing development and they had just repaved the street. My first day out, I started by running down the sidewalk. Big mistake. After I did some reading and bought some shoes, I stepped off the sidewalk and ran on the very cushy new tar. Please keep in mind, running in the street while wearing headphones and blasting music can be dangerous. Especially considering how many people text and drive these days. I chose a dead end loop in a closed development, I ran in the parking lane, I ran on the wrong side of the street so I could see any oncoming cars, I ran in the middle of the day when most people were at work, and I was always aware of my surroundings. So be smart.

Now I live in the city. When I want to run, I usually drive to the suburbs. I drive to a local high school with a new running track open to the community. Sometimes I drive to small parks. One local soccer field has a crushed gravel trail circling it. So I have to have time to do this, and that makes a difference. I have not yet been able to just step outside my front door and start running.

Basically, running on sidewalks is advanced. I know, right?

3) Stretch Pre-Run -- Not After. This is a big one. It almost certainly made the biggest difference for me. Every single thing I read about running said the opposite: Never ever stretch pre-run. Never stretch "cold muscles." Warm up for running should be several minutes of fast walking or slow jogging.

Bollocks. Following that advice caused me so much pain and frustration. The first time I actually stretched out before I went out to run, the difference was remarkable.

Now, before even I start walking, I warm up by stretching. I have a set routine I do, one I learned back in 1993 or something. As a young girl I took dance lessons and I wanted to be a dancer. So I am familiar with stretching and warming up muscles, especially mine. I am perhaps a bit more familiar with the process than your average non-athletic person.

I do not just start stretching my legs cold. Absolutely not. I start with my head and neck. Then I move to my shoulders, and arms. Then I do my rib cage, my waist, and my hips.

I do all of this very, very s l o w l y. It is a part of my whole running routine. I don't try and rush it to "get to the point." Some of the stretches are almost painful, but it's a pain that feels good. If you don't know what that means, well, I can't explain it. When your physical body is tight, is sore, when your muscles are stiff, and you stretch them right, it will hurt a bit but it will also feel really good. From my dance background I know how to stretch really slowly.

The exception of course, is the leg stretches, which I absolutely detest. I loathe them because they are hard. I am not as flexible as I was as a young girl. I am heavier. Bending down to the ground and holding it while my legs stretch out can be very difficult. The stretching exercises I do for my legs get my heart started pounding. I am usually wheezing and groaning out loud like an old lady, "uuuuuuuuuhhhhnnnn...." But I know if I skimp on these stretches, at all, I will pay for it with pain later.

I might post what I do to warm up, at a later date. I should also mention that I had to build up the warm up. Some things I do now, I had to skip at first. Some things I do 8 times now, I started doing 4 times and worked up to it. My warm up is generally at least 10 minutes, sometimes 15.

While I do my warm up I am listening to music on my iPhone, and I look at the time when I start because I am looking at the phone anyway to pick a song. If my warm up took only 7 minutes, I know I skimped on something, usually leg and shin stretches. I either do more or I know my run will be shorter.

When I have finished stretching, I start walking. I do not walk fast and pump my arms like I am exercising right now, people. I do not try and get my heart rate up with the walk. I learned that lesson as well. I walk at my normal pace. I might walk a little or a lot, just depends how I feel.

Now it is winter, I have also learned if the weather is inclement at all, I will skimp on the warm up if I try and do it outside. I don't mean to, but I can't stretch or run in my winter coat and hat, so I get cold. So I have learned to do the whole thing at home. Yes, then it means there is a gap, because I have to then drive 10-15 minutes to wherever I am going to run. It's not optimal. I'd rather stretch outside and start my run right away, and make it a whole single endeavor. But I can't. It's ok.

I think I mentioned before that I don't listen to my iPod because it's a PITA to set it up, and that I have different music on my phone, iPod, and laptop. Well, since then I have actually found my iPod, and I found my iPod speakers, and I actually found the cord to connect the iPod to my computer (been lost since way before I bought this computer) and I set them all up at home. I also changed the music on the iPod for the first time since I bought it (about 5 years ago). So now, it's not so bad to do a nice stretch routine at home. I put on a really good song and enjoy not having to wear earbuds. I also sometimes do this stretch routine when I know I can't go running.

I do also stretch some after I finish running. I do different stretches then.

4) Slow down. A LOT. Everything I read said that shin splints come from doing too much too soon. Alleviate shin splints by doing less. Well, how in the heck could I do less?

When I started running this time around, I signed up for one of those daily emails that are supposed to turn you into a runner in a month. The first email said something like, Walk briskly 5 minutes. Run 1 minute. Walk 1 minute. Repeat 3 times. How could I do less than 1 minute?!?!?! I was especially frustrated because before I would run until I was out of breath, then walk, then run more. I could run way more than just 1 minute without being out of breath.

And even more frustrating - if, the first time I ran, I could do 3 sets of 1 min/1 min before pain set in, the next day I could not even finish the 5 minute walk before I was hobbling in pain. I couldn't even walk. Oh I was so frustrated.

So first I bought the shoes, and I tried again. Still in pain.
Then I stepped off the sidewalk. Still in pain.
Then I added the warm up routine. Still in pain.

So then, finally, I slowed down. I found a way to do even less. I lessened my expectations. I think we have all been conditioned by the horrid trainers on Humiliation-Fests list "The Biggest Loser" to think we have to push ourselves past where we think we can go. And maybe we do. But not the first day!

I learned that whatever it is you can do, do half of that. That's a good piece of advice in many areas. Stop eating before you feel full, otherwise you'll find you ate too much. Stop shopping before you spend ALL your money. Take your foot off the gas in the school zone. Don't watch the whole season on DVD in one day. Leave something for later.

I lessened my time. I lessened my distance. I lessened my speed.

First, I changed it up so I was only running for 30 seconds at a time. It really killed me, you know. It killed me to stop running when my heart rate had not even gotten up and I was barely breathing hard. 30 seconds. Humiliating. But what my lungs could do, my shins could not. My phone timer doesn't go less than a minute. I would set the phone for 2 minutes and hold it in my hand. I would walk for 1:30, then run for the last 30 seconds, and stop when the timer went off. Then reset and do it again. And again. I found that while the first couple times were easy, by the 3rd time I was straining a bit, and beyond 4 times was a challenge, all without shin pain.

I also changed my stride. That is an idea I got from a couple of running books I looked at. I call my stride The Hobbit Shuffle. I didn't particularly think my original stride was all that big a deal. When I ran up and down in the running shoe store, I asked the sales clerk if my form looked right. She replied that I looked like I was "floating." I loved running because when I ran, I felt like I was floating.

Apparently, that was not a good idea, for me, at the time. Another disappointment.

So now, I barely pick my feet up when I run. My steps are very very short. In fact, I am only barely beyond running in place. And my steps are s l o w. Yes, there is a way to be running (after a fashion) and be slow. I make sure I land on my heel and roll through my whole foot. I keep my arms bent 90 degrees, but my hands are relaxed.

I have a couple of very simple ways of making sure I am not going too fast, too soon.

First, I sing. In fact, I am very vocal during my whole running process. I groan like an old lady when I stretch: "uuuuuuhhhhhhhnnnnnnn..." or "grooooooaaaaaannnn...." And then I sing along with my music. And I like SINGERS. I listen to Celine Dion and Christina Aguilera. So I can't sing with every note but I try and sing parts. If I am too out of breath to sing, I slow down.

Here's me running:

*wheeze wheeze wheeze* ...don't wanna *mumble mumble* your.... GRAAAVITYYYYY... *moaaaan*... *groooaaaaannn*.. keeping me... *wheeeeezzzze*... DOOOOOOOWWWWNNNNNN.... *makes sound like a rusty door hinge creaking open...squeeeeeeee....*...*groooooannnn*

I also swear aloud, sometimes saying the worst, the dirtiest things I can think of (when I am trying to push myself a bit further), or I laugh out loud, or I make sounds like "WHEEEEEE!!!" or "AAAAHHHHHH!"

I've demonstrated my running technique for a few friends, when they ask me about running. Oh all of them think this is very very funny. They just crack up. Maybe they think I am kidding. No, these are good friends. They know I am not kidding.

Seriously, this is why I have to find places to run that are deserted. When I have tried running where there are other people around, I always have to cut it short. I don't know why being loud helps me out, but it does.

The second thing I do is pay attention to my body, and especially if I feel my muscles tensing up. Running very very slowly (I guess it would be called jogging at my rate) allows me to keep my attention on my body and not on distance or speed or anything like that. It's not a race. No one else is around. I'm not trying to get anywhere or outrun anything. My movement is so slow and deliberate, I can feel it when my muscles started to tense and then adjust.

I'm at the point now where I do run faster, with a longer stride, but I ease into it. I also feel fine lightening up, slowing down, walking if I want to. I don't just hit the ground running like a speed freak and keep going until I have finished my 6 miles or whatever distance. I actually have no idea what distance or speed I might be going. I'd like to find out -- but not yet.

--------------

So those are the things I am doing, or have done.

I have not lost any weight. But there are still changes. I notice them. Here are how things have changed since September:

* I stretch even more and even longer. I spend more time on my legs and shins. I can bend farther down and I am more flexible.

* I no longer have any kind of shin splints when I run. That means my muscle in that area has strengthened enough to carry my weight. That is huge.

* I still don't run very fast, or as fast as I used to try and run. I am not floating. I don't feel like I am flying. Usually.

* I still do a combination of walking and slow running. I work on reducing my walking time and extending my running time.

* I can finally run over 60 seconds.

* I am finally at the point where I stop running and start walking because I am out of breath, not due to pain.

* I do spend a few minutes of my time running at my regular pace, and then I do feel like I am floating, or flying, but I am also usually wheezing and trying to breathe.

* I stop running now because my back hurts after a while. I don't have any real core strength, and I am overweight with big heavy bones. So all that combined makes my back ache after a while.

* When I was at my mother's wedding, I danced the Electric Slide with my cousins, and I did not have to stop and sit down before the song ended.

But the biggest thing is I AM STILL DOING IT. Last week I ran in the pouring rain and got soaked. Yesterday I ran in 25 degrees, and when I started out I was freeeeeeezing. I did it anyway.

It's January 3rd. Everywhere I look are ads and articles and people talking about the same thing -- getting in shape. Getting off the sofa. Losing weight. Doing better. Feeling better. Making resolutions.

I don't have to make any resolutions. I don't have to say, in 2010 I was a lazy sluggard and 2011 will be different!!!! I am going to get off the computer, get off the couch, watch less TV, get outside more, improve my health, blah blah blah.

I went running on Dec 31. I went running on Jan 2. I hope to go running again later this week. I am not "in shape" but I am in better shape than I was several months ago. I can feel the change, I can track it. I write these posts (here and I have another, more private blog) so I can reflect and see the changes over time.

Why do I run? Especially considering all the hassle. It has definitely NOT been "easy."

That's next.

Time to Embrace My Privilege

In other words, I went running today.

Three months ago I would never have forseen that I would be outside, running, in 25 degree weather.

Was it cold? Oh hell yeah.

Three months ago I would never have forseen that I would willingly be outside in pouring rain, running in some park, as I did last week.

Did I get soaked? Oh hell yeah.

Last week we had a couple of days of almost spring-like weather. It was in the 50s, and felt actually balmy after weeks of bitter cold and snow. I had not been running in over a month. Late November into December were blur of wedding planning, finals, graduation planning, and the holidays. Usually I would need to get some exercise to deal with the stress, but we had snow and ice, so I was cooped up inside most of that time.

So even though it was pouring rain last week, it was also 50 degrees. I put on my gear and a rain jacket with a hood, drove to some small park, warmed up, and did two circuits of the park before I gave up.

My shins are no longer really a problem. Now my back is the problem. I am not a thin or small woman and I have no core strength. After I've run/walked for bit, my back starts to ache badly and that's when I stop.

Back in September I was hoping by this point I would be so used to running that I would prefer running on a treadmill inside to laying about, and keep it going all winter. I have a treadmill in the house. So far that has not happened. I really want to be outside. I need fresh air (even if it's cold) and sun (if I can get it). As long as there was snow and ice I would not attempt it (I slipped and fell on some ice 3 years ago and broke my wrist), but the thaw dissolved all the snow.

Am I unhappy about this? Disappointed in myself? Ready to throw in the towel?

OH HELL NO.

In fact, the last two times I have gone running have just inspired me. They told me that the autumn running was not an aberration, a brief whimsy just like all the other times I have tried to take up the sport. These brief runs have reinforced for me that I am going to keep on doing this. Even though I have not lost weight. Even though I am a chubby middle aged woman doing the Hobbit Shuffle, panting and wheezing, and not a fleet gazelle with long legs that eat up the miles. Even though I don't look like a runner.